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The Fat Diaries

My BMR is 1644.8...now i have no idea whether this is normal or not, but whatever. I'm putting my woes out there. To lose a pound a week, i have to eat 1144 calories a day...doable?i guess...i should probably also get off my fat lazy ass and excercise.Deepavali is on the 17th of october and ideally, i'd like to lose 10 kg's by then, deepavali is in 20 days meaning i have to lose 1 kg every two days by NOT eating a single thing and excercising off atleast 2000 cal...is that even possible?i don't think so.that is sooo unhaelthy.but here's a promise.

I PROMISE TO WATCH WHAT I EAT AND EXCERCISE EVERYDAY TILL THE 17TH OF OCTOBER IN THE HOPES OF LOSING ATLEAST 5 KG...totally doable, no? AND i'll document EVERYTHING i eat on this blog, with calorie calculations, dammit. starting tomorrow. coz, i'm sure i've already exceeded the 1144 kcal a day thing by now, and its only 12 pm.oh fine, i'll document

Breakfast:
Milofee - milo+coffee (yum)
and one ee char kway...the plain ones that look like misshapen doughnuts sprinkled with sesame seeds?yum. Ee Char Kway by the way is deep fried dough. Damn. But soooooo GOOD!!!

Lunch
vegetarian lunch - brown rice + sothie (yellow cabbage stew?made from coconut milk. Damn. But sooooooo GOOD!!!) + 1/8 th of a hard bolied salted egg. oh and pappads.
half a guava plus the asam powder.loves it!!!

scared la to calculate. and how do u calculate?

dammit someone should come up with a calorie list for malaysian food!!!

Apparently according to cekodok.com, its YAU char kuay and not EE char kway...maybe its a different dialect thing.whatever. so the calories in that thing i had for breakast is 291.3 an iced milo coffee frape has 237 calories. lunch?probably 600 - 700 calories. guava plus asam powder, maybe 80 calories. altogether?1308,3 kcal.already over my limit of 1144 kcal. GARRGH!!!

it takes u 0.11 kcals to climb ONE stair. hula hooping for 30 mins burns 200 kcals, which means in 10 mins, u burn about 67 kcals.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!SO MUCH!!!
i have to la...i tried on my sari blouses which i could fit into a year and a half ago, and now they're soo tight!!! looks so bad. and i have nthign new to get into for deepavali, mainly cozz i didnt want to buy anything new since i already have way too many nice punjabi clothes. the sad thing is i can't get into my sari blouses!!!i can't wear my sari's!!!and i have such pretty ones too...sniff..and all my clothes are tighter, urgh.

i'm gonna go be depressed now.

Note to Self

COMMIT!!!

i was wrong

all my instincts were completely off
i passed!!
and with a B minus
not so bad for someone who expected to fail.
now every promise i made two/three posts ago i need to keep

1. lose weight!
2. study constantly and competently

and thats all i have to do.these two things. and i will do it. i don't really love what i'm doing, but since i'm stuck in it, i have to complete it. and thats what i'll do.

D-DAY

this is it.
its 2pm malaysian time
results will be out in an hour
i can only hope for the best
but i have this horrible sinking feeling
i dont think i've made it this time
oh snap.

i lied

remember when i said i was done worrying?guess what...yeah thats right..i LIED.
who am i kidding?i've been having nasty moments the whole week wondering if i've passed or not.lets be completely honest here. i've done some calculations, not very accurate ones, lower than i think i'll get and guess what?i've FAILED!!!!FUCK am i in SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!!and to be honest the papers were actually really fair this time. i can't believe i'm going to fail... AGAIN.why does this always happen to meeeeeee?????
because i don't study enough.its true. i can lie till i'm blue in the face to my parents, and my friends but i shdn't lie to myself. yes, i don't study enough. i amble along hoping that whatever i do is enough and that it'll come out. but its not, and it won't.
FUCK
i'm so tired of this
if by some miracle i pass, which i will find out the day after tomorrow, i promise never to get to this point again. i'm going to study, CONTINOUSLY. i'm going to be so prepared that i will be able to answer anything and not have to crap my answers, like i've done so far.i NEED to do well. this is going to stop. no more procrastinating, no more lying and most of all NO MORE YOUTUBE so close to the exams. i hate youtube.
and my parents!!!God my dad's going to bring up every single time he's caught me on the laptop,NOT STUDYING, and bring it up again when i fail.FUCK i HATE when that happens.my mum's going to be soooooooo DISSAPOINTED!!!!!!!!!
gaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME PASS!!!!PLEEEAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

ps:i apologize for the profanity in this post, i usually don't swear at all...but these are trying times.

Exams are over...hallelujah!!

urgh...completely screwed up my last station in my clinical skills examination on thursday...why?the last thing i had to do before finishing this Godawful paper and i blew it. oh well...things happen...i'm hoping i pass.i'm done worrying.i'm going to enjoy my week break.